i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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