You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize