Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
