her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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