His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
