I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The air was thick with penises
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need a burrito and a hug.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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