I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
