Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i came on her dog
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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