If i come over, it means nothing
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
