she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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