Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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