She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
