Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
