Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
