The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
