One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
