Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ttyl tear gas
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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