Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
