Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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