I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this boner is exhausting
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
