What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
