You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
