Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
