She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
