bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
