I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think my mom watched the whole time
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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