you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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