i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
