I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
