oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
