Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
