i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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