the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
