omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
