Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think your dad took our porno
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize