could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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