My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
