i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
