I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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