All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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