That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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