she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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