Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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