Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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