do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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