Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
