My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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