We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
