All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
