Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
