During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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