Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
