i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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