I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
