Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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