I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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