Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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