I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
