She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
