There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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