i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
