whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
