my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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