my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
