I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
