You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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