He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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