I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
