I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
