I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
