She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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