Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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