I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
