You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
